welcome to the webpage for me, the missing Olsen triplet

my dream is to be a balaclava model or radio actress

i give advice about how to navigate life’s journey with dignity, as you can see here

and i have this theory that death is a pigeon, so go here for why

i’m quite intense, my thoughts often gravitate towards weird things like “if a gimp falls in a forest and no one sees, is it still called forest gimp?”

once i was in the shower and i looked down and saw 10 shiny beetles silently crouching at my feet in an eerily symmetrical formation, i let out a bloodcurdling scream and stamped on them until i was sure they were dead, then i remembered i’d gotten a little bit drunk the night before, and painted my toenails black

i’ve been on antidepressants ever since i told my best friend about my problems and he said “poor cow, try living with cancer babes” and i said “what, i can’t say anything because i haven’t got cancer?” and he said “get a grip and some perspective, it’s pathetic, look at the world around you rather than at just yourself” and when i told my dad later that day he said “well, depression is merely reluctance to accept that you aren’t the most special person in the room” so now i live with auntie pippa in hemel hempstead but i’ve caught her sniffing my underwear on multiple occasions

this is a quote about me from the staffordshire newsletter in 2014: “shocking the audience into submission was ruth less... looking a bit like the black-eyed girl of cannock chase, *(don’t know what that bit means)* you couldn’t guess what she was going to do, giving her acts an unpredictable charm” 

and from the loose lips website in 2015: “then came what was the most interesting and innovative act of the night - ruth less - otherwise known as mannish from frisky & mannish. *(don’t know what that bit means)* ruth less’s set is a mixture of performance art and dance. there are no words to describe what she does on stage without spoiling the performance for future audiences, but what i will say is that it is absolutely brilliant”

my whole life up to this point has basically been one big search for someone who’ll love me without my makeup on

i thought i might have found him this year but it didn’t work out, see below for the exchange in its entirety (copied from facebook) -

MOHAMMED: hi dear, am indian but living in dubai as a hr manager, may i know u

ME: well i live in england so i dont know how it would work? would you fly me over?

MOHAMMED: nice to know u, can we chat with webcam dear

ME: i am embarrassed about how i look, you will think im ugly

MOHAMMED: hhhhhhhhhhh, hey you

ME: hi

MOHAMMED: mowwwwwww, i miss you

ME: have we met?

MOHAMMED: give me ur skype id, i want to chome ur all body

ME: chome? what is that? i should tell you that i have a penis. is that a problem for you?

my work has been seen at  Barbican  Soho Theatre  Southbank Centre  Theatre Delicatessen  Pleasance  RVT  BGWMC  Shoreditch Town Hall  Madame Jojo’s (RIP)  Black Cap  Good Ship  Voodoo Rooms  Gatehouse Theatre  Glory  

alongside my comedy heroes Nina Conti  Scott Capurro  John Kearns  Jonny Woo  Amy G  Fancy Chance

i was the surprise winner of Miss Twin Peaks 2013 and a nominee for a London Cabaret Award 2014 

the roles i’d like to play are  Juliet  Desdemona  Amy Adams in Doubt  Cassandra  Viola  Hermia  Beth March  Laura Wingfield  Isolde  the Sugar Plum Fairy  Eliza Doolittle  Selina Kyle (not Catwoman, just Selina)  Louise from Carousel  Louise from Gypsy  Louise from Thelma and Louise  Jessica Fletcher (those last two when i’m older)  Mia Farrow in a biopic of Mia Farrow

roles i do NOT want so STOP asking  -  Anne of Cleves  Grendel’s Mum